This and That

Blueberry Muffin face

2011-01-03T17:13:00.000-08:00

Some foods make you happy, because they are too. :)

Silly

2010-12-31T17:35:00.001-08:00

White elephant exchange... here i come! haha

ahh cozy socks w/ my new flipflops.

2010-12-29T14:50:00.001-08:00

Finally, an apron for myself. :)

2010-12-23T23:22:00.001-08:00

my work in progress. :) matching! hahaha

Amy inspired me... making a Frust sized apron to match too! Heeheehee!

yay!

Grey Grey's apron for x-mas

2010-12-23T20:38:00.001-08:00

side 1 (reversible) green &cream stripes w/ a light blue contrast

side 2, blue w/ stripe accents. stamped w/ Greyson O'Shaughnessy & puppy w/ prints. :)

Trader Joes does it again.

2010-12-02T21:39:00.001-08:00

cutest.gingersnap.snowman.ever! & very very delicious! (TJ's)

Plans with my heavenbound little munchkin.

2010-11-07T18:01:00.000-08:00

Here's to the therapeutic effect of writing...

Little Baby, I'm missing you.
...thinkin' of your little smile
just lightin' up the room

Someday I'll hold you
& I'll sing to you, your lullaby
One day, we'll get to catch up
Like no time has passed us by.

Sweet joy remains, in my knowing you
but my heart is sorrow heavy
Little Baby, missing you

Someday you'll hold me too
& soak up my deep embrace.
When this breath of life is over
Let's have a you & mommy date.

Me in a hat.

2010-10-02T17:14:00.001-07:00

This is my pix entitled "secret".
I have a vintage hat on that I'll use for tea parties or if I'm feeling extra fancy some day.
Don't ask my secret, I'm sworn to secrecy... but I do think it might have to do with how to get my eyes ever so crossed so effortlessly.

Trends, wedding

2010-09-09T17:25:00.001-07:00

the latest trend continues... :) matching aprons!

I made these matching aprons for my cousin's recent wedding. I thought they were was kinda neat. I really like the interesting red floral fabric.The bride's went fairly smoothly since I've done the girly sassy apron a few times now, but the guy BBQ apron was a new thing. It was a very simple design, but my machine stopped cooperating so my plans for a cool stitch on the thick ties didn't pan out, but that's the way cookie crumbles. (Sorry Calen, that's what you get for my first try on the manpron.) I tucked a handful of family recipes in the pocket of the aprons, focusing on a few mexican dishes to go w/ the festive color scheme. Don't know if they'll use or like them, but they did get them & they do like cooking.

Painting w/ the fat foam brush

2010-09-07T15:26:00.001-07:00

Zoey, in purple

Nod, nod, wink, wink.

2010-07-23T11:49:00.001-07:00

Sunflower winking

Happy 3rd Birthday preparation! Doll House!

2010-07-01T18:31:00.001-07:00

Amy and I headed over with the munchkins to a nearby town and I found this sweet find @ the used baby store. It's a Melissa and Doug house, in natural color, but it had color crayon on the roof/side, so I bought it to fix up for Rosie's birthday. :) Here's the fun and tedious process...

doll house & bird house makeover, phase 1

phase 2: purple paint

back of house: tree with bird

details: roof tiles, side sunflowers, & rose trellis

The front! I left the inside plain white for now.
Tmrw we will spray it with a plastic clear spray paint.

I forgot a final shot of the bird house, but it's basically pink and purple messiness. :)

I hid it in the garage and made her wait for her b-day, and she loves it for her Gabba's and little People to play in. :)

Vanity shot

2010-05-16T17:18:00.001-07:00

I love the grand attempt at self-shots, here I am hiking Yosemite this past spring.

My latest painting "Updraft" in Acrylic

2010-05-05T17:24:00.001-07:00

An arctic tern, fairly transparent. In Acrylic. I began the background at my friend Eva's house, but had barely any time to work on it, so I brought it home to work it out, it's been refreshing.

progress... added beak/feet.

I think I'm done, added more texture to the sea. Yay! I like the transparent effect of the bird, I'm pleasantly surprised since color isn't my forte, I thought I might go for silhouette, but ended up happy with it. I feel that the sea might be wanting, but not sure where I would go from there, so I left it for now, I think I'm done though. I didn't want to overdo the ocean so the focus would stay on the flight of the bird.

The Harbor, mixed media

2010-04-13T22:27:00.001-07:00

Mixed Media: including: photo, ink, watercolor, and pastel. For Shauggy, he liked one I made for Brenn for his b-day, so I did another shot just for the fun of it for him. He gave me creative input along the way so that I knew he'd like the scene! Thanks brother, it was fun scheming together. Now I just gotta mount it, I meant to do that today, drat.

Latest Apron :)

2010-03-13T21:54:00.001-08:00

Amy's apron- sand courderoy & green/floral accents.
So very 'Amy', with a touch of sass.

Mini Midnight Snowman

2010-03-03T22:26:00.001-08:00

We had some unexpected snow last week, so I made a midnight snowman and a snow angel in the 1/4" of snow. My jeans got quite wet, and then I was cold.

and in the works:

2010-02-04T20:56:00.001-08:00

My octopus design for Mikayla's cape emblem. :)
I should post the pix of the finished rocket cape! Oh yeah, and the dinosaur/monster tail. (To be added soon.) And maybe I should actually write something on the blog instead of just crafts. hehe

Some of the Christmas loot

2009-12-12T21:35:00.001-08:00

Greyson's Koala

Giraffe's for Aeden (and Mikayla)

Shaelee's Birthday Apron "LOVED"

upcycled: cute jean apron

2009-10-11T22:34:00.001-07:00

1/2 apron from jeans for my sister in law Marie's b-day. so easy and so fun! :) I'm addicted to aprons now!

Baby Doll experiment!

2009-10-09T14:16:00.001-07:00

The baby I just made for Mikayla. It was simple but some how I managed to make it more difficult than necessary. I like her.

Apron Experiment

2009-10-05T14:16:00.001-07:00

I just made this sassy apron! Now I need one too! :)

Another Summer Project: Baby Feet!

2009-09-22T17:28:00.001-07:00

I had Mikayla do the handprints in Jan. when she was 1 1/2 for my Christmas present! But then I didn't get around to working out the foot print until August when she turned 2... oh, silly. I think I may want to do another one soon with my handprint and hers. :)

Panda Peeps

2009-09-22T17:26:00.001-07:00

I made a panda cartoon pix with watercolor pencils for my brother's b-day in Sept. I was inspired, so I went ahead and made one for our place too. (Panda's are one of Mikayla's favorite, just like my brother.)

us, panda style

The Silly little Bird Painting Progression, Aug. 2009

2009-08-22T00:29:00.001-07:00

A fun quick project I did while visiting my mom in August. I snagged the bird pix idea from a poem book, and recreated it in my own way, slightly altering things. :)

The Finished Beanbag toss, from Summer

2009-07-24T15:01:00.001-07:00

Here's a beanbag toss painted on particle board that we just made. My husband cut out the circles for me, and then I painted on a scene, which was only really half done, but then we had it for my daughter's birthday to play with. I think at some point I'll repaint the face on the butterfly that looks a bit like an alien shaped head to me, and prob. change his expression.

Chilly Today, Hot Tamale

2009-07-20T22:19:00.000-07:00

A while back I had an interesting dream where I was waiting for some pizza to rise, and then was actually in the oven when while it was rising at about 400 degrees I think. It's a long and interesting dream. Anyway, since I had the dream months ago, I've been thinking about it and it's meaning. As I lay down putting my daughter to bed and her sweaty brow stuck to my arm and the room was still at about 80 degrees after another 105 day outside, I began to wonder if being in that pizza oven with her in my dream was about this crazy hot weather.

Beans, beans.

2009-07-18T19:09:00.001-07:00

my first beanbag! so fun.

Sharing

2009-06-11T00:51:00.001-07:00

So, on a whim I decided to record myself playing/singing my singable songs from the past decade. About 6 I think. Anyway, I figured out how to license the works and am now attempting to webhost them so I can upload to my blog.

The guitar is over-loud, as my keen set-up included my old camera audio record feature with no way to sing closer to the mic than play. So, it can be a bit hard to hear the words, so I'll type them out too. Also, I only did one-takes by and large, so: many a blurp. And uh, the strumming on some of these seems a bit repetitive what with the guitar being more of the foreground than the vocals. (stellar strumming not withstanding... :P)

Oh, what I would do for a PowerBook and garage band- and some super-skills? :)

Anyone wanting to help collaborate on these with added vocals/instruments and actual garageband, or recording, and your super-skills please let me know and we can play!

I need to write a few folk songs. I've been throwing around the idea... hmmm. I do have a kazoo already.

Awesome Crafting

2009-05-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love this:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=25516801

So great and creative... maybe I can figure that out sometime. I love etsy and it's homemade goodness!

Something fun I love

2009-05-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

Here is a link to the regal listing for free kids movies this summer:

http://www.regmovies.com/nowshowing/familyfilmfestivalschedule.aspx?state=CA

I usually make it to at least one showing. Last summer I went to Waterhorse, but it got too scary for my one year old. :) But, it was worth a shot. My theatre isn't a Regal, it's a Krikorian, but they have it too, for a buck. So, check your theatre, just to see.

http://i381.photobucket.com/albums/oo256/cstuessy/Krikorian%20Summer%20Kids%20Series/SanClementeKSFlyer.jpg

I hope I can catch at least Kung Fu Panda, which is a favorite. My daughter loves this movie because Panda's (and puppies) are her favorite animal. I have to limit watching it because I think it's a bit violent for a not-quite 2 year old, but she has learned some pretty cute kung-fu moves. So, a theatre experience would probably be fun, especially with popcorn!

Looks like there are some good ones out this year. I liked The Tale of Desperedux, and still want to see Horton. Hmm, what else to say... oh yeah, and I know this is 'technically' for kids, but I used to go sometimes before having a child. hehe Or you can always borrow a friend's kid or relative to take on a cheap date. :) Makes some great memories with those kiddos who need a little TLC.

Mwaaahahaha

2009-05-28T00:50:00.001-07:00

I like it.

Sketch 2 in the works

2009-05-26T00:46:00.000-07:00

Kinda too hard to see the drawing, but that's the sun coming through some rain clouds and the little crab & sea cuke (from illustration 1, see "getting closer" below) dancing there @ the bottom. Anyway, I got to work a bit more on it... I need to develop the clouds more, in a stormy type way, accentuate the dancers & seaweed, add a little texture to the sea floor, perhaps pronounce the beginning of below-sea-level a bit more, and possibly add green/grey/& blue rain drops. -If you wanted to know... actually helps me remember too!

So far...

2009-05-25T20:12:00.001-07:00

Earlier today.

car sketching

2009-05-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

working on #2 sketch in car

On the way up to Thousand Oaks this past weekend, I got to work during the day! Normally I don't have the space to work on art during the day unless I want some "help" with it. :) In this case, my little helper was asleep in her carseat. hehe So, I had a good 45 min. to think and work on illustration #2. Unfortunately after the munchkin awoke I kept turning around so often (runny nose emergencies!) I wound up fairly carsick and had to shelve the art and actually stop for a soda to soothe the tummy. But, still a good time, and Darin was a great sounding board to help me over my illustrator's block.

Deal!

2009-05-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

50 cents! i was thinking of ordering it so happy!

I just got a book at the Friends of the Library for $.50 instead of the 12 bucks or so that Amazon has it for. Very exciting. It's about bread, recommended by my sister. So far it's pretty new-age - enlightened/buddist baking, but some nice down to earth thoughts weaved in there. Of course I'm only on the intro. :)

Sunscreen Review

2009-05-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

Grahams Natural Alternative : Sunclear spf 30+ active ingredients: 25.9% zinc, other ingredients: triglycerides, rose hip oil, grapeseed oil, sesame oil, shea butter, vegetable oil, vitamin e, vitamin a, coconut. www.itchy.net.au

My full review: we like CA baby for it's natural ingredients and zinc base, but it is rather white and thick, and tends to give a white sheen for a while. This is nice, pricey, but cheaper than CA baby since it holds more in the bottle. I'm really happy with the short list of ingredients! It's got a lot of oils and shea butter in it, so it feels/looks slightly greasy but also smooth like a nice oil rub or lotion and I feel like my skin is more moisturized for having it on. Since I have dry skin, and it looks like so far Mikayla tends toward dryness too it's not bad, this might not be good for more oily types. I don't really like it on my face though. Like most sunscreens it doesn't wash off easily, even the hands, which can be annoying, but necessary I suppose. Also, many new natural/zinc sunscreens are out there which are nano-ized zinc. Someone with a scientific background that I know has suggested that this could be dangerous in the long run (testing still not out for long term use of nano-ized zinc) as it is a hard metal absorbed into the skin ("we just don't know"). Both this lotion and CA baby are micro-ized zinc so the particles aren't as small and aren't absorbed into the skin... however, Grahams Natural particles must either be smaller or maybe due the oil it spreads farther because it's not white on the skin. We haven't been burned either, so it works well! What I missed about CA baby, and like about this is the smell- it smells very much like a sunscreen ought to- due to the coconut probably, it is beachy and sunscreeny. :) I missed that nice smell!

getting closer!

2009-04-12T00:12:00.001-07:00

Sitting here enjoying my tea, working on my illustrations, & watching Lost with my hubby. I'm getting closer to finishing my first drawing of about 10... it's very soothing & freeing.

blueberry pancake beauty

2009-01-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

Here's a quick shot of my blueberry pancakes from this morning. The photo really doesn't do it justice. It was striking really, a blue dough pan fried to an orange crisp in parts. I just had to share the moment. I haven't made blueberry pancakes in ages. I make pancakes quite frequently, just sans berry, so this was a fun treat, and a beauty to behold. :) So, that's my big news, how about you?

Fall

2008-11-11T22:52:00.000-08:00

Ah, So I just figured out how to send my blog a picture from my cell phone. Well, my hubby really just told me, no actual figuring necessary. This is a photo from the beach yesterday, I thought it was great- fall at the beach. I intended to post a pix of my delicious cinnamon smothered Swedish pancake, made by my favorite Swede, with a cup a coffee. It was a yummy picture, but I took too long to send it and well, it got deleted... all that is left is this:

Swedish pancakes, cinnamon, coffee, combine that with pleasant conversation and crafty plans; it's been a lovely evening.

Change

2008-09-11T22:59:00.001-07:00

So, I changed my template. The black was getting a bit drab. I really want to blog more. I feel like I have all these things to share or say. But usually I'm laying down to sleep or out and about, or taking care of my little walking baby (toddler? gulp. just not quite there yet!). So, I sadly seldom write the things I want to express. Just thought I'd share that. Probably most everyone feels that way. Anyway, so... I updated my blog to a brand new color! So exciting- but, on the other hand it's kinda drab too, in a lack-of-colorful style way... maybe I'll change it again sometime, now that I know how. I have been feeling a bit brighter lately. Like, I recently decided I like orange. "'Orange!??!!?!' you say. 'Isn't orange a sworn enemy of yours?'" Well yes, it was. But I'm in a orangey bright mood lately, so... here's to orange, and blog changes, and writing, and illustrating (something else I'm doing!), and finally getting a tad more sleep, and here's also to hope, to futures, and to now.

Random dribble from September

2008-09-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

She sat in the coffee shop sipping her latte and thinking. The tap tap tap of keystrokes buzzed in her ear. She looked up. A man with a laptop, steaming cup at his right, and electronic ear quickly powered through his message.
When I was a kid and people talked to themselves my mom told me not to stare. Later I learned they were crazy and needed help. Now it's just a bluetooth and means you're important. Man, I gotta stop letting my mind wander....

Oh, Dig That Crazy Beat.

2008-07-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Well, now that I have a little person to care for, and to mold her mind in fun and glorious ways, I also have a great responsibility to pass down all the songs I grew up with and love (?).

Here's a running list, I'll update it as I get suggestions.

Gypsy Rover
Jump Down Turn Around, pick a bale of cotton
Ride a little horsey go to town
Oh, they built the ship Titanic
I love you, a bushel and a peck
My Bonny lies over the ocean
Hava Nagila
Jesus Loves Me
I know a girl whose name is _______ (mom written)
Go to sleep, go to sleep, my precious creep (to Braham's lullaby, mom written)
Shortnin' Bread
Do your ears hang low do they wobble to and fro?
Who's that knocking at my door, who's that knocking at my door?
Late last night when we were all in bed...
Down by the old mill stream
Tom Dooley

Organization

2008-06-25T16:47:00.000-07:00

Hmm... do you keep a housekeeping schedule? Or any other type? Just wondering. I'm not really into it yet.

My schedule goes something like this: when people are coming, clean up alot. Occasionally clean the floor and wipe stuff down that looks gross & that Pumpkin might want to lick. Vacuum every once in a while, more often would be a lot better. Clean the bathroom often & keep it nice. Do the laundry when the basket is full, or overflowing. Try to put the laundry away after doing it- if not, at least throw it in the closet (in nice piles of course). Throw old fridge food away every time we shop (we have no choice since our fridge is for midgets- no offense to midgets, but it's true). Keep the kitchen as clean as possible given the space. Clean off the kitchen counters/stove/areas every few days because we put crap on it & it bugs us & we need the space. Every night we put toys away.

That's about it I guess- at least what I could think of quickly- I know there's much more. I just read a friend of mine's schedule of cleaning... woah. That's kinda ambitious. At times I put things on a list, but I tend to only get through a few of the things that I mean to do. Well, it's something to think about. It could help. I think I would prefer to bunch more things together every few days than an every day schedule. What do you do?

Joy, Peace, Awareness

2008-06-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

I went to a cool teaching yesterday- at the end the guy had us each take a slip of paper & read/pray a blessing over 4 others as we went down the line. -If we felt inclined, we could keep praying, no rush or anything. Below is the blessing I was given to read, it was amazing- this is my prayer often; it felt especially poignant in that I've been struggling with maintaining peace before sleep at night instead of insomnia which I had been fighting for a few months (until a great friend prayed for me at the end of April in WA), and yet the struggle continues now and again... So, I ended up feeling especially blessed by this- the blessing was intended to read over others, but God read it over me as I read it aloud- each time I read it, I could just feel myself becoming more joyful and at rest- I slept well last night too. :)

Day 6 - I bless you with an awareness of God's presence.
Spirit (your name), I bless you with the great joy that comes from experiencing the presence of God, sensing him watching over your life. I bless you with experiencing the joy of his presence in private and public worship. I bless you with knowing his presence in the night watches as your subconscious mind and spirit are open to the Spirit of God so he can minister to you while your conscious mind is not cluttering things up. I bless you with sensing the presence of God in those things which the world calls problems and pain. I bless you in the name of Jehovah Shammah, God who is always there for you.

Sisterly Fun Update:

2008-06-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

Update 1:

The Chicken had 4 babies.

Update 2:

The Chicken and the 4 babies disappeared. Only feathers remain.

Update 3:

Another Chicken also had 4 babies. They live safely under the house-steps. Wheeew.

Brrrrr, is it cold in here?

2008-06-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

I just found out I have post-micturition convulsion syndrome, so... have patience... be kind... don't discriminate or judge.

and I will kindly try to do the same when we find out whatever it is you have.

Sisterly Fun

2008-05-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

Here's a good time- gathering eggs with my sister at her place... For some reason I think this video is so funny and keep laughing when I watch it. But, Daru said "it's not that funny", but he tends to say that a lot, and I tend to laugh a lot. Now here I go again, laughing at the funniness of his phrase & my response! Seriously though, me and Squachy had a good time.

Fancies of Fruitfulness

2008-05-05T20:17:00.000-07:00

I just bought a young Cherimoya tree, hoping it will fruit someday! If you ever get a chance, give one a try... delicious!

Thumbkin Attitude

2008-04-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

relax, and enjoy...

ahh, now that's what I call preschool charm...

Mixed Feelings

2008-03-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

While leaving the house today for a walk,Daru turns to me and says "When I filled out Republican on that form, I felt sleazy". "That's funny you mention it," I say, "I wasn't going to say anything, but when filling out Democrat, I felt betrayal". Daru and I are registered non-partisan. We decided to fill out these forms which give non-partisan voters the option of selecting Republican, Democrat, or Independent for the June 3rd Primaries. We split the difference so we can look at both sides and vote that way. Anyway, interesting reactions we had... Sad that there isn't one easy answer and one party to proudly stand by. It's hard to say which side to side with... it seems an issue by issue stance is the only way to go. So, here we are - sleazy, betrayal, and all.

baby thoughts & a call to love

2008-03-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

From my online journal ramblings, thought I would share:

"March 14, 2008

I just love our little person. She is so cute and sweet. I love her little personality and the joy that is so evident even when she is discontent or feeling lousey. Today I pointed out the flowers on all the bushes we passed and just loved looking at them. Early this morning we got up and watched cars pass on the street. And today when we put her in her stroller to walk up to look at the nursery for more flower gazing, she just kept chuckling in delight as we walked up there- I guess she was enjoying the ride and the view, despite her sadness over her cold re-lapse.... She is so amazing and such a joy to watch grow and learn... lately you can just see her wheels turning and the connections she's making with her world. Hiding things under a burp rag and uncovering it is a fun game- she always knows its there and enjoys waiting or helping uncovering the toy. Last weekend we were out celebrating (Shmamy's) birthday and she grabbed my cup of water, like usual, she also grabbed my straw- this time I let her play w/ it and she put it in her mouth and blew bubbles in my water! So funny, I didn't even know she could do that and figured she'd just gnaw on it as a teether. Then, I could feel water going up it & she drank some water - much to our surprise, and hers too! She blew more bubble and drank some more before the night was out... so silly! Often, I take a toy and having it bounce around and eventually have it land on my head, then I wait until she looks at it, and then I say "elephant on my head!... oh no!" or "hedgehog on my head!.... oh no!" or whatever it is, this past week she started looking at the toy, and then quickly looking down at my face waiting for me to me to say "elephant on my head... oh no!" in mock-surprise, so that she could smile at the joke... sometimes smiling even before I got to the punch-line... it's so cute to see her joking with me! :) Her frequent smiles are priceless, her face lights up when she catches sight of us, what an amazing gift- to be loved so much by our little Pumpkin!"

Anyway, it's such a joy having her in our lives, and so fun marveling at these little growth spurts. Everyday things are so fun to look at and relive through the eyes of a baby! It also makes me think so much about the purpose of our lives and what it's all about. I think sometimes we so lose sight of the simple truth to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, and get wrapped up in the details of what we feel called to. Sometimes coming back to a baby's perspective, responding so readily to love, and embracing so easily comfort, marveling at creation, and delighting in other's delight is just the way to go. Now, to tap into God's love and really embrace it, enjoy it, take the time to be still and receive, to hear His heart for others and be brave enough to extend His love... this is where it gets a little more tricky... this is more the discipline side of things, but what a joy when we do. (at least, I think it is - when I get more disciplined, I'll let you know! haha Actually, this is the process we're all on, right? To learn to walk by His side and listen to His heartbeat and whisper as we go along. Hopefully the Voice becomes clearer, the knowing more intimate, and our response more readily given the longer we know Him)

The Gospel Message

2008-02-16T22:19:00.000-08:00

You are the bride to the Bridegroom, and the Bridegroom is Jesus Christ.
You must eat of His flesh and drink of His blood to know Him, and your union with Him will make you one, and your oneness with Him will allow you to be identified with Him His purity allowing God to interact with you, and because of this you will be with Him in eternity, sitting at His side and enjoying His companionship, which will be more fulfilling than an earthly husband or an earthly bride.
All you must do to engage God is be willing to leave everything behind, be willing to walk away from your identity, and embrace joyfully the trials and tribulations, the torture and perhaps martyrdom that will come upon you for being a child of God in a broken world working out its own redemption in empty pursuits.

-Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller, summation of the gospel message

creative procrastination

2007-09-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

What is it that you put off for a later day that which you would like to create today? Or more likely, wish you had already done yesterday?

For me... I would like to start writing a few books in a variety of genre, illustrate the one I already wrote, write more poetry, capture those photos, paint, sew that blanket... and the other one. To blog more, to go for it on that invention idea...

Anyway, just wondering what the rest of ya were putting off... that way I might feel a bit better about me! Or maybe, by mere confession, I might now become a doer and not merely the constant dreamer. I do actually do a few things, mostly photoshop, song writing... but, that nagging feeling that I have more on a list that keeps on getting longer and never any shorter, never a completed task, tends to irk me.

Maybe this year will be the year to cross off a fulfilled creative goal...

or maybe next year.

I can cross this off the list.

2007-05-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

No joke... a real letter from the bank informing me of my good fortune, not just some mistake that I need to sort out.

Although far short of $200, still, it's so satisfying...

I hope you too have the pleasure of a small yet fulfilling moment this week.

Cheers to unexpected joys!

A happy tune

2007-03-02T22:07:00.000-08:00

Again today I heard Baby's techno-drum beating little heart. I was going in to just get my blood taken, and shared with my midwife the recent loss of my cousin... I'm not sure that she offered to have a listen to the baby because she was thinking it'd be nice for me to have the experience, or if its her standard thing to do (my real appointment to see her is in another 2 weeks and we'll listen to Baby then for sure). No matter the reason, I was taken aback by how comforting it was for me to hear Baby and know that she/he is doing well. Since I can't feel any kicks yet, its up to the Doppler and my weight gain to know that everything is o.k. Hearing the quick beating heart of the Baby was so nice... everything is looking good, and that's just nice to know.
As I process my grief, I've been more worried about the baby and about my husband and other family members... I just don't want to lose anyone, ever... sometimes death is a part of life, and its hard to wrap my heart around it. Even trusting in God and really leaning on Him, I find the unknown and loss to be a bit frightening, I love the people in my life... and am so thankful for God's abundant blessing of amazing quality friends surrounding me... writing this out helps me see that I need to be extra thankful during this time of mourning, and this, I think is the very best way to process the loss of a cousin I am truly thankful for. Thankfulness for friends, family, and a tiny beating heart, will help my heart to enjoy what's before me... grieve the loss of missed opportunities/connections, and focus on intently loving as I go along.
As we listened to the quick beats,lulling my anxious spirit, my midwife offhandedly said my baby 'has a happy heart'... I hope this was insight beyond her own knowing, that God has blessed the heart of the little spirit within me to beat a happy, joyful tune to His ear, and mine... for today anyway, Baby's happy heart has made mine one too.

another reason...

2007-02-19T12:27:00.000-08:00

We live in an amazing country...

Look at this.

Yeah, this is for men and women... yikes. On the upside, they probably have great thighs.

To Bonnie and Babe

2006-10-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

I wrote this tribute to a fallen sheep, and somehow found myself crying...

Rest well sheep, rest well.
Sorry to never have met you
I heard you were really great
I wish to have fed and pet you
We'll mourn your tragic fate
So, rest well sheep, rest well
Jump over fences
to lull us to sleep
and we'll ponder and love you
our resting sheep

Blue

2006-10-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, this book is awesome. Miller writes those things I could never quite articulate.
I'm afraid to share this book with people. This book resonates deeply, and I know that others who resonate with it, will somehow 'get it', will 'get me'. Its nice to be understood. But, it makes me sad that many won't like this book and hate some of its concepts.
I'm tempted to make this book my friend filter... "hey... want to go to the movies and head over to my house for pizza and Mario?" "well, maybe... depends... what do you think about the book Blue Like Jazz?" "LOVED IT!" "Great, I'm in"
Somehow, I just don't think that'll fly.
I'm sure Miller & Jesus didn't intend for the book to be my new friend filter, so, I'll settle for letting its truths sink deeply within me, and connecting with other readers who appreciate it too.
If you've read this, you'll know what I'm talking about, if not, go read it. I'm open to discuss anything that struck you in the book... leave a comment. If you hated the book, just don't let me know.
Don't worry friends, I'm not as fickle as all that, I'll still like you if we disagree. I'll even still love you, truly love you.

Those Swedes and Their Sayings...

2006-09-28T00:34:00.001-07:00

Swedish Proverb: God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.

I just ran accross that the other day, and oddly enough, I ran into again when searching for Swedish sayings... good food for thought. Thanks for providing for me all the time God, even when I'm not always looking in the right places, or for that matter, the right things. :)

interesting...

2006-08-08T00:31:00.000-07:00

I just got to thinking... most all my immediate family members are currently sheep looking for a flock... looking for the other sheep who know the call of their common shepherd. Are we too picky? Are we hurting? Are we being taken out? Or are we waiting to hear which way the call is coming from so we can run to the shepherd?
I hope we are waiting, ears turned to heaven... and hope soon we all find ourselves surround by other sheep with which to actively wait...

As I was just about to post the above comment, a song came on and started to play the sounds of the shofar. This always is so stirring and I haven't heard one for a while... its so nice to know that God is leading us, and He is our good shepherd.

august poem

2006-08-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

run on

run forward to the sights & senses
before you
run to the
One
who has called you by name.
who knows you &
beckons you
to impossible places.

to the places unavailable
if not for His call.
past barriers of
obstacles, closing in
give them not a second glance-
you are led by the
Mover of all things

the Mover & Maker of hearts
of dreams
& the Drive to run
to run for His heart
to run on.

an illusive, forgotten dream

2006-07-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

that vague sense of
disconcerting familiarity...
this has happenened before.

a glimpse of last night's stroll
through universes unknown

that feeling that connects me to
the same emotion,
a thread, a link.
a recent sense

like a fog lifting,
the illusion is gone & I am
left with today, right now...
wondering when enough pieces
will combine
& reveal yesternight's fantasy.

today I went dreaming

2006-07-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

I dream of inventing,
of creating, of painting.

I dream of listening so well
I never have to wonder if

I dream of family and kids,
and sleepless nights

and joy as they grow and find out
who they are in Him, in love

I dream of fishing, and surfing,
and hiking, and skating,

of tea parties, and friends,
of being known, of knowing

I dream of growing old
alongside my best friend

I dream of miracles, and freedom
of authority and excitement, of joy

I dream my dreams,
I dream some of His...

a new kind of happy

2006-07-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

So, here's the blog you've all been waiting for...

Imagine with me if you will: It's a hot july afternoon, to keep cool, I keep hydradrated... wondering around the zoo/park/mall/school/airport/fill-in-the-blank, I just finish off a venti starbucks ice water, and a frapucino... not long afterward, I find myself in need to empty myself of the aforementioned liquids, again.

I go into the "lady's room" and find myself a nice stall... I open the door and look at the toilet before me... I smile, I almost laugh out loud with pleasure... its just a good old fashioned toilet.

I lay down the appropriate protective barrier sheets, 2 to be safe, and do my emptying... upon finishing up, I flush, leave the stall, wash my hands, carefully as to avoid undue contamination of the hands when leaving, and thats the end of it...

This blissful, 'normal' routine is a dying breed of public restroom experiences...

Now imagine with me, another scenario, I'll pick up where I walk into the "lady's room": I find myself a nice stall... I open the door and look at the toilet before me... I cringe, I almost cry out in horror... its one of the new automatic toilets.

I lay down the appropriate barrier sheets, 2 to be safe, turn around to sit, and "flush!" there goes all my work!!! sometimes this may repeat....
oftentimes, while sitting down, the toilet decides my 2 seconds are up and "flush!" there it goes, with me on it! I stand up to avoid the inevitable spray, but its too late of course... I wonder if some sick designer intended to put a 2 second toilet time limit before flushing... hmm...

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the shocking, preemptive, spray inducing, startling automatic flush.

Stand with me friends... stand with me for a world where we flush our own toilets... a world without fear of germ infested public urine spray... a world where our children can grow up in safety... never worrying about peeing thier pants because they they have to lay down another toilet seat cover because the first was flushed by the automatic toilet monster....

ahh, what a world that would be... times like these I long for the past... and I mourn that when I see an old-fashioned flush toilet, that it puts a smile on my face, and a joy in my heart. There are better things to find bliss in than a toilet.

sweet lovin'

2006-06-16T01:53:00.000-07:00

We just got back from the grunion run!!! SO fun! First time Daru has seen grunions... doing their "thing". Got down to the water at about 1am and stayed for about 45 min... Cleaned up the beach a bit, wondered by a few sleeping stragglers and fire pits, and then, just as we were headed back from the attempt to see the grunions, there they were! Shiny flopping fish propagating the species! So exciting!!! I don't know why seeing beached fish is so enthralling, but enjoying it together-what a blast. Nice moon out, full set of stars, no one there but us (and few sleepers), about 65 degrees, the dark moonlit waves crashing- trying to grab our toes, and the grunions.

Ode to the Grunion
Shiny fish how
you flip and
flop
Swim on dear
fish
never stop

Well, that's about as good as it gets at 2am, sorry folks...

a conundrum

2006-06-12T01:47:00.000-07:00

I just have to share... somehow I found this, its a bit creepy, but I find it more hilarious given that's it 1:48 am. Will the mystery ever be solved? Will I be able to sleep without wondering??? (Somehow I think I'll sleep fine.)

growing up

2006-06-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

So, over memorial day weekend I was with my brother, let's call him O', and GG , and we got to talking about being grown-ups. The general discussion was "do you feel like a grown-up?" "Not very often, but sometimes when... (various answers), I feel like it" "yeah, I don't feel grown up very often" and it continued on for a good 10 or 15 minutes. I thought it a fun and facinating topic. Do I feel like a grown up? How silly! It seems so child-like to think about it and all its amazing possibilities... what makes me feel like a kid? When do I feel 'grown-up'?

But the wierd thing is, just about 4 days later, I was with my friend Eva, and she brought up the same topic! Could it be fate? Could God be asking me to evaluate my emotional age? :) Or could it be something more simple... like coincidence? So, we did do some fun adult things together like an art walk, and going to a bar... how grown-up of us!

There are so many things I do daily that make me feel young and child-like. Things I never grew out of I guess... but then there are other things that I just stopped doing, and thats o.k.
too. It just got me thinking... maybe I'll make a list or post about my adventures in this topic....

To start out...

today, I got back in touch with my 4 year old self and tried to fly... :) I jumped off a rock, arms out.... just in case it worked this time.

Baby McNugget

2006-05-11T13:01:00.000-07:00

shhh... right now I'm sitting here at my mudda's house holding my nephew... so cute, so sleepy, so waiting for mom to return! Its so amazing to see a little baby look so right, he fits so perfectly... he's got the same little features that go in my family... so precious!

the blessing

2006-04-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

So, this is what I'm thinking... something I've been meditating on and somehow it makes sense. I think God wants it to go deep, so, I'll keep on doing more studying and therefore, perhaps updating this!

I've been reading in Genesis about Isaac, and his sons Jacob and Esau. So, Jacob and Esau, are living life, and Esau being the manly man hunter that he is comes home starving. Jacob had just finished making some amazing food, so, Esau in his desperation to ease his discomfort agrees to the cunning Jacob to give him his birthright in exchange for some food. Seems pretty lazy, but I know what I would give for some chocolate or Jamba now and again, so, I won't judge.

Time passes, we now find Isaac nearing the time of his death. He tells Esau to prepare a meal to have with him after his hunt and he will pass on his blessing. The sneaky Jacob once again (with the help of his mom), impersonates Esau, and brings Isaac the food (its meat, but somehow I think of it as hot delicious soup...)in order to recieve Esau's blessing. Isaac falls for the trickery, because his sight isn't so great, and blesses Jacob with Esau's blessing. He says:

27:28 May God give you the dew of the sky and the richness of the earth, and plenty of grain and new wine. 27:29 May peoples serve you and nations bow down to you. You will be lord over your brothers, and the sons of your mother will bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed, and those who bless you be blessed.”

When Esau returns and approaches Isaac, he finds out what happens and begs his dad for the blessing too. Instead, Isaac says he only had one blessing to give and instead seems to curse Esau whom is rightly upset, he later wants to kill Jacob.

Esau's 'blessing' goes like this:

He took away my birthright, and now, look, he has taken away my blessing!” Then he asked, “Have you not kept back a blessing for me?” 27:37 Isaac replied to Esau, “Look! I have made him lord over you. I have made all his relatives his servants and provided him with grain and new wine. What is left that I can do for you, my son?” 27:38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only that one blessing, my father? Bless me too!” Then Esau wept loudly.

27:39 So his father Isaac said to him, Indeed, your home will be away from the richness of the earth, and away from the dew of the sky above. 27:40 You will live by your sword but you will serve your brother. When you grow restless, you will tear off his yoke from your neck.”

So, I got to thinking about blessings, and blessings from fathers. Why is it that Isaac had only one blessing to give? Why couldn't he bless Esau to the same degree? That little twerp, how could he get away with it? And later Isaac helps him even more and send him in the right direction for finding a wife and fleeing Esau's wrath.

But, then I realized that Jesus, as God's own son, and firstborn, has all of God's blessing. He has the blessing. All of it. wow. that's gotta be a BIG blessing. More than I could ever dream of. Good things, properity, abundance, life, authority, imagination, family.... so many things. And what's more is, as the Holy Spirit comes and lives within those who recieve Him, we also have Jesus living within us. We have the blessing too. cool. So much more blessing than we can imagine. Not just any blessing, the blessing of a father to his firstborn son, the blessing of inheritance.

I want to let that soak in. I already know it sometimes, but then sometimes it seems to fade to the background and then God shows me something that reminds me again of his fatherly tender love, and all that he lavishes on me... and seeing it through the OT stories is a fun way to be reminded.

living

2006-04-05T22:33:00.000-07:00

sitting here
nothing, everything
happening

leaning in
actively waiting
engaging

sitting back
laughing, enjoying
being

is that it?

2006-03-31T13:06:00.000-08:00

So, as the Westminster Confession points out, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Is that it? I was talking the other day to daru and it became clear to me that I don't live entirely in that freedom... I love to glorify God, and I love to enjoy Him. I'm a fairly joyful person, yet despite my natural propensity to enjoy life and God, and my intentiality of glorifying Him, I place ALOT of pressure on myself. I feel as though I've just always been called to be "change in His pocket", and that deep knowledge has translated into a great desire to always be ready, waiting for the slightest whisper or sound of the breeze, hearing God in the softest of voices, and responding. On the surface, and most often in practicality, this has worked out well. I've grown accustomed to listening, attempting to respond at times, and really looking at my life through better lenses than I would have otherwise been wearing.

But... what about the ease and light burden of simply (and sometimes, not so simply) glorifying God, and enjoying Him forever.

I think I gotta work on this. Let go a little bit on the intensity of being ready, and maybe trusting that God knows how to get my attention. Or, maybe being aware and feeling that pressure, is glorifying God. Maybe He wants me to share His burden and heart for others continually, even when its heavy... maybe I need to pray about it and let Him let me know.

Still working on it... how do you have a light and easy burden, glorify God, enjoy Him, and still strive for, I don't know... perpetual preparedness?

I'm a sheep

2006-03-31T02:42:00.000-08:00

OK, this is going back a ways, but I wanted to start here. Back in July, 2001, I was at homegroup and I had a vision during worship.

In a lightly wooded forest on a path, I was a small a sheep, but also a person. In front of me was Jesus on the path. Three times he beckoned me to follow. Then I looked to my left and saw another Jesus and a big field opened up behind him. It was a nice open field and light, but I felt unsettled. I heard God tell me it was a false Jesus. I then looked back to Jesus in front of me who wanted me to follow him down the path we were on. I tried to look down the path, straining to see the end to see if it was truly dark and bad at the end too, but I couldn't see the end of the path to know...

I then heard Jesus say "you are my sheep and my sheep know my voice. It's good to be concerned about being decieved, but don't worry, because you are my sheep and you know my voice."

At the time I felt He was saying if I stopped and thought about it, I could tell if it was Him or not. Since then, I've had many times seeing Jesus before me beckoning me onward... about a year and a half ago, I couldn't step forward and didn't know why. I felt so scared to trust. Since moving back home to CA, God has be restoring me, dusting me off, and helping me onward.

When I first got here last January, an uncle of mine was praying for me and had a vision of a bird in cage, with this finger sitting there trying to get the bird to come out. I was that bird, skittish, beaten... but also in that picture he saw that the bird would come out again and fly like it used to. I am that bird, stretching my wings, remembering what its like to soar.

Actually, now that I think about it, a couple of years ago one friend of mine saw me as a bird in a nest, and she said it was time to fly. A little while later another woman at church was praying for me and said lots of birds fly and beat there wings working to stay in the air in the direction they want to go. But I was different, a bird that would glide and then an updraft would take me higher and I would just go with the air currents. Well, I'm not always sure what direction the wind is blowing, but I do feel that I'm out of that darn cage.

But most of all, I know I'm His sheep, and I hear His voice. He told me that once, and I've oftentimes had to remind myself! When I get nervous and scared sometimes to step out of my comfort zone and risk, especially with communicating with people... I often have to remind myself that I'm His sheep and I hear His voice.