Friday, March 31, 2006

I'm a sheep

OK, this is going back a ways, but I wanted to start here. Back in July, 2001, I was at homegroup and I had a vision during worship.

In a lightly wooded forest on a path, I was a small a sheep, but also a person. In front of me was Jesus on the path. Three times he beckoned me to follow. Then I looked to my left and saw another Jesus and a big field opened up behind him. It was a nice open field and light, but I felt unsettled. I heard God tell me it was a false Jesus. I then looked back to Jesus in front of me who wanted me to follow him down the path we were on. I tried to look down the path, straining to see the end to see if it was truly dark and bad at the end too, but I couldn't see the end of the path to know...

I then heard Jesus say "you are my sheep and my sheep know my voice. It's good to be concerned about being decieved, but don't worry, because you are my sheep and you know my voice."

At the time I felt He was saying if I stopped and thought about it, I could tell if it was Him or not. Since then, I've had many times seeing Jesus before me beckoning me onward... about a year and a half ago, I couldn't step forward and didn't know why. I felt so scared to trust. Since moving back home to CA, God has be restoring me, dusting me off, and helping me onward.

When I first got here last January, an uncle of mine was praying for me and had a vision of a bird in cage, with this finger sitting there trying to get the bird to come out. I was that bird, skittish, beaten... but also in that picture he saw that the bird would come out again and fly like it used to. I am that bird, stretching my wings, remembering what its like to soar.

Actually, now that I think about it, a couple of years ago one friend of mine saw me as a bird in a nest, and she said it was time to fly. A little while later another woman at church was praying for me and said lots of birds fly and beat there wings working to stay in the air in the direction they want to go. But I was different, a bird that would glide and then an updraft would take me higher and I would just go with the air currents. Well, I'm not always sure what direction the wind is blowing, but I do feel that I'm out of that darn cage.

But most of all, I know I'm His sheep, and I hear His voice. He told me that once, and I've oftentimes had to remind myself! When I get nervous and scared sometimes to step out of my comfort zone and risk, especially with communicating with people... I often have to remind myself that I'm His sheep and I hear His voice.

1 comment:

Girl in the Globe said...

Hi BJ,
I can totally appreciate what you're saying when you talk about reminding yourself that you're one of the sheep who hears His voice.
The first ELI I went to with you all in Seattle someone I didn't know prayed for me...the following morning he gave me a note reminding me that God's sheep know his voice. I often look back at that note when I'm afraid to step out...wondering if it's God or if it's me. It's nice to have those assurances to go back to.

GG