Sisterly Fun

Here's a good time- gathering eggs with my sister at her place... For some reason I think this video is so funny and keep laughing when I watch it. But, Daru said "it's not that funny", but he tends to say that a lot, and I tend to laugh a lot. Now here I go again, laughing at the funniness of his phrase & my response! Seriously though, me and Squachy had a good time.

Fancies of Fruitfulness

I just bought a young Cherimoya tree, hoping it will fruit someday! If you ever get a chance, give one a try... delicious!

Thumbkin Attitude

relax, and enjoy...


ahh, now that's what I call preschool charm...

Mixed Feelings

While leaving the house today for a walk,Daru turns to me and says "When I filled out Republican on that form, I felt sleazy". "That's funny you mention it," I say, "I wasn't going to say anything, but when filling out Democrat, I felt betrayal". Daru and I are registered non-partisan. We decided to fill out these forms which give non-partisan voters the option of selecting Republican, Democrat, or Independent for the June 3rd Primaries. We split the difference so we can look at both sides and vote that way. Anyway, interesting reactions we had... Sad that there isn't one easy answer and one party to proudly stand by. It's hard to say which side to side with... it seems an issue by issue stance is the only way to go. So, here we are - sleazy, betrayal, and all.

baby thoughts & a call to love

From my online journal ramblings, thought I would share:

"March 14, 2008

I just love our little person. She is so cute and sweet. I love her little personality and the joy that is so evident even when she is discontent or feeling lousey. Today I pointed out the flowers on all the bushes we passed and just loved looking at them. Early this morning we got up and watched cars pass on the street. And today when we put her in her stroller to walk up to look at the nursery for more flower gazing, she just kept chuckling in delight as we walked up there- I guess she was enjoying the ride and the view, despite her sadness over her cold re-lapse.... She is so amazing and such a joy to watch grow and learn... lately you can just see her wheels turning and the connections she's making with her world. Hiding things under a burp rag and uncovering it is a fun game- she always knows its there and enjoys waiting or helping uncovering the toy. Last weekend we were out celebrating (Shmamy's) birthday and she grabbed my cup of water, like usual, she also grabbed my straw- this time I let her play w/ it and she put it in her mouth and blew bubbles in my water! So funny, I didn't even know she could do that and figured she'd just gnaw on it as a teether. Then, I could feel water going up it & she drank some water - much to our surprise, and hers too! She blew more bubble and drank some more before the night was out... so silly! Often, I take a toy and having it bounce around and eventually have it land on my head, then I wait until she looks at it, and then I say "elephant on my head!... oh no!" or "hedgehog on my head!.... oh no!" or whatever it is, this past week she started looking at the toy, and then quickly looking down at my face waiting for me to me to say "elephant on my head... oh no!" in mock-surprise, so that she could smile at the joke... sometimes smiling even before I got to the punch-line... it's so cute to see her joking with me! :) Her frequent smiles are priceless, her face lights up when she catches sight of us, what an amazing gift- to be loved so much by our little Pumpkin!"


Anyway, it's such a joy having her in our lives, and so fun marveling at these little growth spurts. Everyday things are so fun to look at and relive through the eyes of a baby! It also makes me think so much about the purpose of our lives and what it's all about. I think sometimes we so lose sight of the simple truth to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, and get wrapped up in the details of what we feel called to. Sometimes coming back to a baby's perspective, responding so readily to love, and embracing so easily comfort, marveling at creation, and delighting in other's delight is just the way to go. Now, to tap into God's love and really embrace it, enjoy it, take the time to be still and receive, to hear His heart for others and be brave enough to extend His love... this is where it gets a little more tricky... this is more the discipline side of things, but what a joy when we do. (at least, I think it is - when I get more disciplined, I'll let you know! haha Actually, this is the process we're all on, right? To learn to walk by His side and listen to His heartbeat and whisper as we go along. Hopefully the Voice becomes clearer, the knowing more intimate, and our response more readily given the longer we know Him)

The Gospel Message

You are the bride to the Bridegroom, and the Bridegroom is Jesus Christ.
You must eat of His flesh and drink of His blood to know Him, and your union with Him will make you one, and your oneness with Him will allow you to be identified with Him His purity allowing God to interact with you, and because of this you will be with Him in eternity, sitting at His side and enjoying His companionship, which will be more fulfilling than an earthly husband or an earthly bride.
All you must do to engage God is be willing to leave everything behind, be willing to walk away from your identity, and embrace joyfully the trials and tribulations, the torture and perhaps martyrdom that will come upon you for being a child of God in a broken world working out its own redemption in empty pursuits.

-Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller, summation of the gospel message

creative procrastination

What is it that you put off for a later day that which you would like to create today? Or more likely, wish you had already done yesterday?

For me... I would like to start writing a few books in a variety of genre, illustrate the one I already wrote, write more poetry, capture those photos, paint, sew that blanket... and the other one. To blog more, to go for it on that invention idea...

Anyway, just wondering what the rest of ya were putting off... that way I might feel a bit better about me! Or maybe, by mere confession, I might now become a doer and not merely the constant dreamer. I do actually do a few things, mostly photoshop, song writing... but, that nagging feeling that I have more on a list that keeps on getting longer and never any shorter, never a completed task, tends to irk me.

Maybe this year will be the year to cross off a fulfilled creative goal...

or maybe next year.

I can cross this off the list.

No joke... a real letter from the bank informing me of my good fortune, not just some mistake that I need to sort out.

Although far short of $200, still, it's so satisfying...

I hope you too have the pleasure of a small yet fulfilling moment this week.

Cheers to unexpected joys!

A happy tune

Again today I heard Baby's techno-drum beating little heart. I was going in to just get my blood taken, and shared with my midwife the recent loss of my cousin... I'm not sure that she offered to have a listen to the baby because she was thinking it'd be nice for me to have the experience, or if its her standard thing to do (my real appointment to see her is in another 2 weeks and we'll listen to Baby then for sure). No matter the reason, I was taken aback by how comforting it was for me to hear Baby and know that she/he is doing well. Since I can't feel any kicks yet, its up to the Doppler and my weight gain to know that everything is o.k. Hearing the quick beating heart of the Baby was so nice... everything is looking good, and that's just nice to know.
As I process my grief, I've been more worried about the baby and about my husband and other family members... I just don't want to lose anyone, ever... sometimes death is a part of life, and its hard to wrap my heart around it. Even trusting in God and really leaning on Him, I find the unknown and loss to be a bit frightening, I love the people in my life... and am so thankful for God's abundant blessing of amazing quality friends surrounding me... writing this out helps me see that I need to be extra thankful during this time of mourning, and this, I think is the very best way to process the loss of a cousin I am truly thankful for. Thankfulness for friends, family, and a tiny beating heart, will help my heart to enjoy what's before me... grieve the loss of missed opportunities/connections, and focus on intently loving as I go along.
As we listened to the quick beats,lulling my anxious spirit, my midwife offhandedly said my baby 'has a happy heart'... I hope this was insight beyond her own knowing, that God has blessed the heart of the little spirit within me to beat a happy, joyful tune to His ear, and mine... for today anyway, Baby's happy heart has made mine one too.

another reason...

We live in an amazing country...

Look at this.

Yeah, this is for men and women... yikes. On the upside, they probably have great thighs.

To Bonnie and Babe

I wrote this tribute to a fallen sheep, and somehow found myself crying...

Rest well sheep, rest well.
Sorry to never have met you
I heard you were really great
I wish to have fed and pet you
We'll mourn your tragic fate
So, rest well sheep, rest well
Jump over fences
to lull us to sleep
and we'll ponder and love you
our resting sheep

Blue

Ok, this book is awesome. Miller writes those things I could never quite articulate.
I'm afraid to share this book with people. This book resonates deeply, and I know that others who resonate with it, will somehow 'get it', will 'get me'. Its nice to be understood. But, it makes me sad that many won't like this book and hate some of its concepts.
I'm tempted to make this book my friend filter... "hey... want to go to the movies and head over to my house for pizza and Mario?" "well, maybe... depends... what do you think about the book Blue Like Jazz?" "LOVED IT!" "Great, I'm in"
Somehow, I just don't think that'll fly.
I'm sure Miller & Jesus didn't intend for the book to be my new friend filter, so, I'll settle for letting its truths sink deeply within me, and connecting with other readers who appreciate it too.
If you've read this, you'll know what I'm talking about, if not, go read it. I'm open to discuss anything that struck you in the book... leave a comment. If you hated the book, just don't let me know.
Don't worry friends, I'm not as fickle as all that, I'll still like you if we disagree. I'll even still love you, truly love you.

Those Swedes and Their Sayings...

Swedish Proverb: God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.

I just ran accross that the other day, and oddly enough, I ran into again when searching for Swedish sayings... good food for thought. Thanks for providing for me all the time God, even when I'm not always looking in the right places, or for that matter, the right things. :)

interesting...

I just got to thinking... most all my immediate family members are currently sheep looking for a flock... looking for the other sheep who know the call of their common shepherd. Are we too picky? Are we hurting? Are we being taken out? Or are we waiting to hear which way the call is coming from so we can run to the shepherd?
I hope we are waiting, ears turned to heaven... and hope soon we all find ourselves surround by other sheep with which to actively wait...

As I was just about to post the above comment, a song came on and started to play the sounds of the shofar. This always is so stirring and I haven't heard one for a while... its so nice to know that God is leading us, and He is our good shepherd.

august poem

run on

run forward to the sights & senses
before you
run to the
One
who has called you by name.
who knows you &
beckons you
to impossible places.

to the places unavailable
if not for His call.
past barriers of
obstacles, closing in
give them not a second glance-
you are led by the
Mover of all things

the Mover & Maker of hearts
of dreams
& the Drive to run
to run for His heart
to run on.

an illusive, forgotten dream

that vague sense of
disconcerting familiarity...
this has happenened before.

a glimpse of last night's stroll
through universes unknown

that feeling that connects me to
the same emotion,
a thread, a link.
a recent sense

like a fog lifting,
the illusion is gone & I am
left with today, right now...
wondering when enough pieces
will combine
& reveal yesternight's fantasy.

today I went dreaming

I dream of inventing,
of creating, of painting.

I dream of listening so well
I never have to wonder if

I dream of family and kids,
and sleepless nights

and joy as they grow and find out
who they are in Him, in love

I dream of fishing, and surfing,
and hiking, and skating,

of tea parties, and friends,
of being known, of knowing

I dream of growing old
alongside my best friend

I dream of miracles, and freedom
of authority and excitement, of joy

I dream my dreams,
I dream some of His...

a new kind of happy

So, here's the blog you've all been waiting for...

Imagine with me if you will: It's a hot july afternoon, to keep cool, I keep hydradrated... wondering around the zoo/park/mall/school/airport/fill-in-the-blank, I just finish off a venti starbucks ice water, and a frapucino... not long afterward, I find myself in need to empty myself of the aforementioned liquids, again.

I go into the "lady's room" and find myself a nice stall... I open the door and look at the toilet before me... I smile, I almost laugh out loud with pleasure... its just a good old fashioned toilet.

I lay down the appropriate protective barrier sheets, 2 to be safe, and do my emptying... upon finishing up, I flush, leave the stall, wash my hands, carefully as to avoid undue contamination of the hands when leaving, and thats the end of it...

This blissful, 'normal' routine is a dying breed of public restroom experiences...

Now imagine with me, another scenario, I'll pick up where I walk into the "lady's room": I find myself a nice stall... I open the door and look at the toilet before me... I cringe, I almost cry out in horror... its one of the new automatic toilets.

I lay down the appropriate barrier sheets, 2 to be safe, turn around to sit, and "flush!" there goes all my work!!! sometimes this may repeat....
oftentimes, while sitting down, the toilet decides my 2 seconds are up and "flush!" there it goes, with me on it! I stand up to avoid the inevitable spray, but its too late of course... I wonder if some sick designer intended to put a 2 second toilet time limit before flushing... hmm...

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the shocking, preemptive, spray inducing, startling automatic flush.

Stand with me friends... stand with me for a world where we flush our own toilets... a world without fear of germ infested public urine spray... a world where our children can grow up in safety... never worrying about peeing thier pants because they they have to lay down another toilet seat cover because the first was flushed by the automatic toilet monster....

ahh, what a world that would be... times like these I long for the past... and I mourn that when I see an old-fashioned flush toilet, that it puts a smile on my face, and a joy in my heart. There are better things to find bliss in than a toilet.

sweet lovin'

1. 

We just got back from the grunion run!!! SO fun! First time Daru has seen grunions... doing their "thing". Got down to the water at about 1am and stayed for about 45 min... Cleaned up the beach a bit, wondered by a few sleeping stragglers and fire pits, and then, just as we were headed back from the attempt to see the grunions, there they were! Shiny flopping fish propagating the species! So exciting!!! I don't know why seeing beached fish is so enthralling, but enjoying it together-what a blast. Nice moon out, full set of stars, no one there but us (and few sleepers), about 65 degrees, the dark moonlit waves crashing- trying to grab our toes, and the grunions.

Ode to the Grunion
Shiny fish how
you flip and
flop
Swim on dear
fish
never stop

Well, that's about as good as it gets at 2am, sorry folks...

a conundrum

I just have to share... somehow I found this, its a bit creepy, but I find it more hilarious given that's it 1:48 am. Will the mystery ever be solved? Will I be able to sleep without wondering??? (Somehow I think I'll sleep fine.)